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ladycrystala [userpic]
Lots of random thoughts from a Priestess turned Mother
by ladycrystala (ladycrystala)
at October 14th, 2007 (04:43 pm)

current mood: creative

I've been away from the internet for a bit as October 3rd was a very special day for my husband and I. I went into the doctor's office for a prenatal visit and was sent to the hospital for "observation" as I was having contractions that were 2 minutes apart and I was 2cm dialated. Elora was breeched in my womb and by ultrasound she was shown to be firmly stuck in my pelvic area and my cervix. So, in talking all the options over with the doctor, we decided it would be in Elora's best interest to deliver via c-section. Not what I wanted but she could not be turned and I didn't want to overly traumatize her. So at 6:41pm on October 3, 2007, a daughter was brought into the Sullivan Clan. We are so very proud of her. She had some bruising from my pelvic bones on her thighs but that went away after the first couple of days. Elora Jane Sullivan was born at 7 pounds and 12 ounces and she was 20 1/4 inches long. Born a little early at 36 weeks and 4 days she is doing strong and well. A true blessing from the Goddess and God.

Samhain this year is going to be so special. My Uncle passed away recently and I sense my dear Grampa's presence every so often. I will invite their spirits into our circle and set the dumb supper for them. I will invite them to share in the joy of our new daughter as they would have if they were alive. I'm also planning Elora's Wiccaning for Beltaine which is our wedding anniversary. We wanted a baby so badly and didn't think it would be possible to have one (I was once told that my fertility wasn't enough to concieve)that the Druid who married us performed a fertility rite just for us. A couple of months before our first wedding anniversary, we found that we were indeed expecting. What a joy it has been. The pregnancy, the birth, and Elora.....what a magickal experience it is.

Ahhhh, postpartum depression. I didn't think I would get it. I love my baby. We wanted this baby. I started to have a little bit of an identity crisis this week. I *know* who I am now. For the first time in my life I *know* this. I am a woman, a wife, and now a mother. I am happy in these roles. One new role in my life didn't replace what I was before, only added to it. Created another facet of "me". I suddenly became insecure that my husband couldn't see this. Silly, but the feelings were there. I actually broke down and cried when my husband tried to save me the trouble of cooking dinner. I *love* to cook and I hadn't done it yet since coming home from the hospital. I really wanted to cook dinner. I was looking forward to making a nice meal for us. I was still pretty sensitive about it last night. I'm much better today. I went to my office, and I'm attending a gaming night at a friend's apartment near our home. I finally got around to putting away the stuff from the hospital, I caught up on laundry, and the work I wanted to do in the kitchen. I feel accomplished today. Thank the Goddess I could talk to my husband and a friend about how I was feeling. Planning our next coven rituals is helping as well. I am feeling more like myself today. Hopefully this depression will pass. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday.

I am feeling better today. I'm getting back into somewhat of my old routine with the baby's needs added in the mix and that makes me feel really good. I look in the mirror and my face looks thinner. Though my belly hangs (I *did* have a baby after all so I guess it won't be like it used to be for a while. I wish I could say I had a tight tummy, but I'm always battling a weight problem) I look pretty good and I'm in my old clothes again. I still wear one pair of my pregnancy pants because they look ok loose and I had a c-section so I'm afraid to try on my old pants just yet. :) I'm looking forward to going back to Weight Watchers so this coming moon ritual I will celebrating my motherhood and maybe working on planning a weight loss/health spell for the waning time of the moon.